Example #1

How I Got To College.

I always wanted to go back to college. It was really hard to do that with one child, and a
full time job. Then I had another child and a family to care for. I was really scared, how
could a thirty one year old wife and mom go back to college after being out for 10 years.
How could I jump right back in with younger people some who just finished high school?
How would this affect my family and responsibilities? Would my husband understand and
support me. Would I be able to hang for the 10 years it will take to get my PhD? Will I
make it out and accomplish all that I wanted?

Excellent introduction of the Subject.

Excellent background and context for decision.

Notice none of these questions really gets at the "Essay Question"--what was the process?

Notice also--no Thesis!

Example #1 Revised (revised parts in bold)

How I Got To College.

I always wanted to go back to college. It was really hard to do that with one child, and a
full time job. Then I had another child and a family to care for. I was really scared, how
could a thirty one year old wife and mom go back to college after being out for 10 years.
How could I jump right back in with younger people some who just finished high school?
How would this affect my family and responsibilities? Would my husband understand and
support me. Would I be able to hang for the 10 years it will take to get my PhD? Will I
make it out and accomplish all that I wanted? Given all the difficulties and complexity of my situation, how did I ever get to college? The process of deciding to get to college was not an easy one for me.

Notice that the Essay Question is added.

Then the Thesis--the thesis is the answer to the Essay Question.

Example #2

The Steps to Attending College
           
            How hard is it to make arrangements to pursue a college education? Before I
even graduated high school my mind was set on how to prepare myself for college. I
knew it would be difficult but I was willing to take the challenge. The process to get to
college required a lot of planning and much dedication.

Brief intro, but OK.

Starts with the Essay Question (sort of)

Some background

Thesis in the last sentence

This introduction works, but I would like to see an even clearer expression of the Essay Question right before the thesis.

Example #2 Revised

The Steps to Attending College
           
            How hard is it to make arrangements to pursue a college education? Before I
even graduated high school my mind was set on how to prepare myself for college. I
knew it would be difficult but I was willing to take the challenge. What was the sequence of steps that led me to college like? The process to get to college required a lot of planning and much dedication.

Notice that this pattern of maintained:

Essay Question?/Issue

Thesis

Example #3

Preparing For College

When preparing for college alot comes to mind and can be very stressful. In-order to
better prepare yourself for a brighter semester and exsperience at school take time to
visit the campus. Think positive and come with a mature attitude.

Another brief (too brief) intro.

Subject is introduced

No clarification of the Essay Question

No Thesis

This is a problematic introduction that needs the focus of a clear Essay Question.

Example #3 Revised

Preparing For College

When preparing for college alot comes to mind and can be very stressful. It helps to think positive and come with a mature attitude, but sometimes the process of attending college doesn't go well. What was my experience like as I prepared to go to college? For me, the process of attending college was one of overcoming obstacles.

Still a short Intro, but OK.

Notice the clear Essay Question now!

Also, notice how the term "process" is right in the thesis (this is a Process Analysis paper after all)

Example # 4

Preparation for college was something that rarely crossed my mind
during my senior year.  I knew that I wanted to go to college but that was
where it stopped.  I spent most of the year socializing with friends, playing
soccer, and just enjoying my last year of high school.  I never thought much
about where I wanted to go to college or even how I was going to get
there.  It wasn’t until a friend of mine encouraged me to open my eyes to
my future, that’s when I started to prepare for college.
                                                       

Nice introduction of the Subject--preparation for college

The Issue or Essay Question is not explicitly stated, but the sentence in bold works to clarify the issue.

No real thesis. It should have a clear statement that answers the Essay Question (such as it is)

Example # 4

Preparation for college was something that rarely crossed my mind
during my senior year.  I knew that I wanted to go to college but that was
where it stopped.  I spent most of the year socializing with friends, playing
soccer, and just enjoying my last year of high school.  I never thought much
about where I wanted to go to college or even how I was going to get
there.  It wasn’t until a friend of mine encouraged me to open my eyes to
my future, that’s when I started to prepare for college. From this moment, the process of getting to college proceeded flawlessly for me.

Thesis added

(notice again the use of the key words of the essay question/issue are used)

Example #5 (from a Cause/Effect Paper)

What has caused the success in my life?

            Every one is molded into an individual from the beginning of life. How we
grow up as adults and chose to live our lives is solely up to us as an individual? Now what
causes some of us to make certain decisions in life or who causes us to make these
decisions is different from one person to another. For some people it is experiences in
life, their kids, their spouses, family in general, their selves, their parents or
grandparents. What caused me to have so much motivation for myself and help me
become successful? The greatest influence on me and my successes in life has been from my grandparents.

Good job of clarifying the Subject in the beginning.

Clarifies the Issue in general

States the Issue in particular as the Essay Question

Thesis comes in the last line (works as the answer to the Essay Question)

Good introduction!

Example #6 (from an Argument/Persuasion Essay on the playAntigone

A Tragic Life

In the play Antigone by Sophocles, there are a few situations where the lines between right and wrong, moral and immoral, become blurry. I was faced with the question, who would I condemn in the play, and why? My immediate reaction was that Creon was wrong for withholding honor from a dead man, no matter what the circumstance. Even though Antigone broke the law in order to bury her brother, I believe that it was an act of love and loyalty. Creon’s actions were also an act of love, except his love was for power and pride. I believe that Creon was acting immorally for not giving Polyneices a proper burial and that the final outcome was a product of his arrogance and love of power.

Introduces the Subject of morality or immorality

States Essay Question

Reviews possible answers

Presents Thesis (the answer chosen) in the last sentence.

Thesis could be a sharper, shorter sentence.