The process I went through deciding to go to college

English 0301 Essay Zone: Example Essays

Goal: Essay Form and Organization/Punctuation

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Example Essay #3 (with comments inserted)

The process I went through deciding to go to college

To most people, college is a crucial part of their lives. It is emphasized throughout our lives on how important it is for our future. This is true especially during your high school years when teachers, counselors and even guest speakers encourage you to continue your education. Even with all this, there are still some persons like me that find it hard to actually take that decision on going to college[L1] . Deciding to come to college was a long and difficult process for me.[LLI2]

WHAT YOUR ESSAY NEEDS IS BETTER LABELS FOR THE STEPS YOU TOOK TOWARDS COLLEGE. I WILL TRY ADDING SOME IN BOLD.

Ironically, my first steps toward college were taken by going in the opposite direction—away from college. When I just graduated from high school, I was definitely sure I would not be attending college. Since I was very active at my church, I had other priorities in life. In my life God comes first. I wanted to serve him, the way I felt I should. I live my life according to God’s word--[LLI3] the Bible. Therefore, material things were not of much importance to me. In other words,[LLI4] I was not worried about gaining materialistic things. I was happy just being able to support myself in a modest way as long as I could continue serving God. Another reason I did not consider going to college was that my father, whom I admired and love very much, would not encourage me too much. My father did not share my beliefs as far as religion goes, so it wasn’t due to religion reasons as to why he did not encourage me. I think it was more for cultural reasons.

My next step in my journey to college came as I gradually began to see how important college really was. While I was doing my religious duties, I had a part-time job, which I loved. I was only 17. I had started working at the age of 16 and stayed at the same job until 1997. Then what I thought would never happen at the time, happened. I was asked to work as a full-time employee. I explained that I could not do this because I had other activities that would take up much of my time. So then they decided to let me go. I was devastated! This happened at a very bad time in my life. My parents were going through a very messy divorce. I felt I couldn’t handle much more at this point. I went from job to job, not finding one that I really enjoyed. At this time in my life was when I met my husband. I fell in love and got married. Then came our children. My husband did not have any college education either. It has been a big struggle for us financially. I knew I did not want my children to suffer because of this. I then realized that I was going to have to get some kind of education to provide them with a better life. It was at this time when I stopped seeing college as a luxury and knew that it had become a necessity in this world. I spoke with my husband about it; he supported my decision right from the start. He was happy for me.

My next step in going to college was a failed attempt at registering. I was ready, or at least I thought I was ready,[LLI5] to go to college. I went to the San Antonio College campus to apply for financial aid. I completed the application; however, that was as far as I got. I did nothing after that. I guess having my husband’s support was not enough. I was intimidated by the whole concept of attending college. No one in my family actually completed college. I really had no idea what it would be like.

Finally, the last step that brought me to college came with the help of my sister. As time went by my two younger sisters started their college education. One of my sisters encouraged me to go. She offered to help as much as she could to get started. She did help me out a whole lot. She helped me apply for financial aid and to register. This time I completed all the steps I needed to begin college. I went for my accuplacer testing. As I had expected, being that it had been over 10 years since high school, I did not do to good on some of the testing. This is the reason why I am taking the courses I am currently taking. Don’t get me wrong, for I am glad to be taking these courses. I feel that I need them and that they are going to help me for my future courses. After so many years, I found myself ready to begin college. I am in a way glad that I waited, although not for so long, because I feel that these years have helped me look at education differently. I am much more determined to succeed. I am taking my courses much more serious than what I think I would have 10 years ago.

Although this decision was not easy for me, I feel I have made the right decision. I am glad I am attending college. I am sure that my family and I will benefit from this. I will definitely use this experience to help my own children.

Feedback on the Essay: (0301)

Very good work on this essay. Your Introduction is right on target—very clear. You also do a wonderful job with punctuation on this paper. You punctuated some complex sentences flawlessly. Good work.

The one important thing your paper needed some help with is clarifying the STEPS. The addition of the transition sentences really makes a difference. It helps the reader (me) see the coherence within each of your Body paragraphs and see them as separate steps in the process.

Overall, good work. Bravo!