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The Power of Description--examples
--refer back to The Power of Description for the Techniques of Description
verbs, (adjectives, adverbs, naming):
Comparisons and Sounds:
It was the first football game of the season, and the stands were so crowded that from a distance they looked like a big blanket of red was thrown on top of them.
Walking toward the cheerfully decorated house, I could already hear some humorous laughs and the sounds of jazzy music coming from within the frosted windows; this was a sign that the party had already started long before we arrived. While making our way to the brightly lighted house, my parents and I could smell the pre-celebration fireworks invading the bitter winter air that had arrived just a few days earlier that week.
Examples of moving from "telling" to "showing:"
TELLING: As I noticed everyone laughing and pointing at Santa, I looked to him to find Santa had dropped his pants. There he stood with red pants fallen around his ankles, still unaware of his loss, happily cheering, "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
SHOWING: I noticed my cousins with eyes like saucers and hands over their mouths, pointing as they snickered. I turned and saw Santa teetering happily on bare white legs and bony knees, his red pants crunched around his ankles. Unaware of his fallen condition, he cheered happily, "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
SHOWING: He was honking the horn and screaming his lungs out. Your father was perched beside him with a smile the size of the Grand Canyon on his face, bouncing up and down as he waved his arms as if he were riding a bucking bronco.
SHOWING: So I stormed into the linoleum-tiled kitchen that smelled of bacon from breakfast. Tearing open a low cabinet, I grabbed a heavy metal skillet like you see used to bang people's on cartoons. Returning to the living room, I cast the pan onto my sister's tent. First the blankets collapsed, then the chairs fell inwards and I heard a loud "Clang," followed by an even louder, "Ouch!"
SHOWING: Momma realized something was wrong. All she heard was the quiet hum of the refrigerator and the soft whoosh of the air conditioner. She could even hear the dog scratching on the door in the back den. It was never this quiet when Kari was here-she had a big mouth.
SHOWING: Once we arrived at the bank of the Guadalupe River, Frank walked into the water first and gave a loud, "Yeow." My sister Jill jumped from the water like she had received an electric shock and stood back again on the rocks shivering and huddling in a strange standing ball, like a flamingo. Despite the temperature of the water, we plowed in anyway.
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